in need of a new LAYOUT

anyone have any suggestions?
GIVE me suggestions. lol. i dunno. if i have time ill do something different and simple.

yeah. i feel like i want to go to college. if i was in a dorm, you know id do my homework. ahh i heart the life.

and daym all of you. lol. i didnt get artistic. oh well. i quit doing homecoming. =P

hey kids

well right now im cleaning my room, cuz apparently one of the factors of me not seeing any signs of any car is my messy room. so yeah thats what im doing.

ahhhh relieved

yeah all that english homework is gone and done with, and now ive gotta focus on everything else in school.
i need to get invisible man read.

i need to get an AP book for english, maybe chem, and i need one for french. french is hard enough.

yeah and i need to really get to frikin work on my sat book. daymmit its almost time for the next ones. i NEED to improve. a combined score of 1180 is NOT good ENOUGH.

ive gotta lose weight too. we're getting a treadmill. i really need to. i bought school clothes in smaller sizes than i presently am so as to motivate my ass into getting into shape. uhm yeah not really worked. but i wish my ass wasnt so daym big. goddaymmmmm it.

i.....

heart garden state. i loved it.

sooooo......

let me tell you how my first day of classes went. well id better make this brief cuz ive gotta go eat a snack or something then get right to work and study on my english.

homeroom -- sameold. some people were late, and they didnt even know it started at 7:30. sucks. 1st unauthorized late.

1st block - AP CHEM - yeah so let me tell you how theres like 6? 8? seniors? im not sure. the rest are juniors. ahh! i feel dumb. well thats the way it was when i took APBIO. lots of seniors in that class. so yeah im going to have to work soo hard in this class. study. outline. study. etc. make sure i know what im doing. and NO PROCRASTINATING. those who know me, yell at me to get my homework done if i didnt do it yet. or else im gonna die.

2nd block AP ENG IV - this class will be fun. theres only 9 kids in my class. (so far). 5th block has like 24? i dunno. rachel said it was packed. now that sucks. hopefully i can keep up with this class too. ive gotta still finish my explanations of poems, and finish the graphics, and also the 3 study guides ( i still have to finish invisible man =O )

3rd block - lunch - but today we had a lecture thing about the new rules. lets just say they suck.

4th block - FOODS - yeah i definately didnt know that this class was gonna be work. well i mean more work than i though. sheesh. textbooks? binders? daymm. the only good thing is that i may be able to have a good ass diet and know my nutrition.

5th block - AP FRENCH IV - wow. Mme Kocis is gonna be fun. daym. if only i could understand a lot more of what she's saying. she spoke french like 95% of the time. im getting better. i just need to know my vocab so i can at least get the gist of what she's saying. sheehs. and ive gotta speak and write french all the time. hopefully i wont fall in this class. i like french, and hopefully after taking this class ill be able to know a lot more. maybe she should of came here when i was a freshman. id probably be fluent in french right now. but oh well. amet for two years? whatev.

so thats how my day basically went. it was hot and muggy today. did not like it at all. ughh sweaty.

hopefully ill be able to stick to my exercise and diet. i need to shed this dead weight.

last day of summer has past...

and its time for me to go to sleep. its already 11pm. well hopefully tomorrow my classes wont be bad, and ill have fun. but i still have to finish my english and study for the english test on friday (basically tomorrow). well gnite everyone. peace out. hope your summer was a blast. here comes the class of 05. geez im a senior. so weird cuz no one is higher than me anymore. and its weird cuz everyone is off at college.

UGH i cant do this anymore

FUCKK i hate this fucking newspaper job!
i dont care for that daym ass scholarship anymore. i just want to quit.
the effin bad thing is i have to wait fuckin 30 days. cuz i have to give them daym 30 days notice.
but i cant be walking 45 minutes every freakin morning just to do this.
15 minutes to walk there, 15 minutes to deliver the daym papers, and another 15 just to get back home.
fcuk it takes me the same amount of time to get there and to do the job itself. NOT WORTH IT.
and then right when i get back im gonna have to get ready real quick then head off walkin to school.
i fuckin hate this. i wish i could just quit right then and now.
this "job" has ruined me.
since i have to wake up so early, sometimes i cant. and my mom yells at me in the morning.
[[ parent/child relationship == -1 »» cons +1]]
since i have to get up early and do this, i cant stay up the night before and do homework if i need to
[[ cons +1 ]]
since i do this everyday, and its so not worth it. i get less pay than ritas employees
[[ cons +1 ]]
the people i deliver to get on my freakin nerves sometimes.
[[ cons +1 ]]
i get billed, i have to collect the money from the people. thats my paycheck.
[[ cons +1 ]]
i dont even get to keep the money. the money that i get i have to give to my dad.
[[ cons +1 ]]
its like im broke, even when having this stupid job.
[[ cons +1 ]]
the new recently added saturday newspaper. no more sleep ins OR sleep overs. fuckin shit.
[[ cons +1 ]]
their system is so unorganized.
[[ cons +1 ]]
people take advantage of me. i get an order to deilver to them, then come collecting time, they say they didnt order. thanks, people, you get the newspaper but dont have the courtesy to call and say you didnt order. yeah, thats cuz you want the effin free paper. eff you. that means more money taken away from me.
[[ cons +1 ]]
theres a lot more, but
yeah i think you get my point. i just wish i could quit right now. and would not have to deliver tomorrow. but i have to fukin wait 30 days.

PS. im getting retakes for senior pictures. dumb thing is i have to pay another 10 dollars. effin shit. doesnt matter though cuz im not ordering any since, i cant afford it.

God, its like why the hell am i here?

ugh please help guys. i dont want to feel like this any longer.

i want to feel normal and not an outcast.

i dont want to feel like everyone is staring.

i dont want to be the bad egg of the family.

i dont want to be a lot of things.

but the unfortunate thing is that i believe i am.

ugh...

alright kids... its only 6 weeks... from today to october 17th... hopefully by that time ill be changed for the better... and a lot more healthy. cmon guys, keep me motivated to keep this up. its only 6 weeks. and these 6 weeks can be life changing for me. im excited. i cant wait.

"You gotta hear this one song, it'll change your life I promise you."

hey kids. i finally got the garden state cd. its great. it really is. i truly heart this soundtrack.

"Maybe that's all a family really is; a group of people who miss the same imaginary place."


well im gonna go take a shower. later on i hope to do some eng work at the school lib w/ heather and rachel.
kay well ttyl. hopefully ill get everything done by the end of this week. this is the final stretch.


you know, i really cant wait for the silent, cold nights that make you stay inside and *snuggle* in your bed and drink hot cocoa. haha. i love that...



and God, its already september...