I'm Putting my Foot Down

I'm going to make my goal of losing weight by my birthday. My 21st birthday.

I want to be at least a 34 waist and 170 lbs.
Unfortunately, I'm not going to tell you how much I have to lose to make that goal... haha.

But for real. That is my number one. I absolutely hate being fat. I really do.

I Still Don't Know

This was taken on Christmas Morning at St. Paul's Church in Burlington. This is where I saw Caitlin! We sang for the mass at 9am. It was early.

Anyhow, I'm still in a weird place right now. I don't know what to do. I made the call, but no answer. I don't know. Someone give me the answers.

I ran today, thinking the route I was taking was 2.5 miles both ways. However, the road is 2.5 miles long, not back and forth. So I ended up running 5 miles today in 40 minutes. I was thinking to myself, "oh my God I'm so out of shape! Why is this taking so long?!" And that's when I realized it was 2.5 miles one way. So yeah. I finally ran.

I don't want to start classes again yet. I haven't really touched my drug cards since I got home. I did more after finals in my apartment.

I'm so lost.

Emoagro? What does that even mean?

Why can't someone just give me all the answers - to life, to love, to health, to relationships, to friendships, to everything? I feel like everything would be so much easier... then again, I wouldn't grow at all and I'd probably end up stuck up, alone, and everyone hating me... Hmm.

But still, I just feel like "why can't things just be easier?" and "Why is life so hard?" These are the questions everyone is asking, and no one can answer it except for themselves. For truth.

I still need to fix things with a certain special someone. I need to do my part. I need to call my friends back. I need to get up on my drug cards. I need to go running. I just want to be happy. Isn't that what everyone wants? And I just want everyone else in my life to be happy as well. Because when they aren't happy, I surely am not...

I want to be successful at everything I do. To try my best, and if I don't succeed, it's not the end of the world - I would just have to get up on that horse and ride again towards the sun...

Thinking

Here I am at home for Christmas Break. Things haven't been spectacular yet, but things haven't been bad either.

It's just that I've been doing a lot of thinking. About life. It's weird. I'm at a weird place right now.

There are definitely some areas in life where I am not completely experienced. I haven't experienced love yet. Relationships are a whole different world to me.

That leads me to say that I have some things to think about. Hence this entry.

Sigh...

standstill traffic.

I hate finals. I feel like crap right now and of course I'm studying because I have 4 finals to study for. It kind of really sucks.

As you can see I'm drinking some energy drinks. First of the semester. I also have some yummy Stop & Shop brand graham crackers covered in chocolate. Yes bitch.

But anyway I have my Pharmaceutics final exam tomorrow and right now studying is going shitty. And then tomorrow it's studying most of the night (probably 3 or 4 am again) to study for this patho exam I'm (hopefully) not going to fail. Ugh.

I miss AIM. I haven't been online since last week. Someone send me encouraging texts or voicemails if I don't answer.

Thankssss.....
shoot me.

Guess Where I Am?

Yep you guessed it... the library. It sucks. First final tomorrow. I feel like crap. I just took an Advil b/c my head hurts and I feel so sucky. First med I've taken in a while.

I'm so scared for my finals. Someone send me an encouraging text, like "you can do it!" and corny shit like that. Yes, it's corny but it gives me a smile. Little random stuff like that make me happy.

Goodbye.

<3 from my new home, library #1.

I'm Scared

Finals are next week already and I'm scared. I did bad on the last Patho. I'm not sure if I already wrote this on the previous entry but I'm too lazy to check it. But yeah. It's hit me big time now and I'm scared for the rest of my exams.

The Home Stretch. Yikes.

Two more weeks = one more week of classes + one week of finals.
Oh joy.

I just found out my grade for the last exam I took for Patho. I did bad... ugh. Which means I need to kill these finals. All of them. All five. FIVE finals. Great.

I have my Social Psych Final this Thursday. At least that one will be over after then.

It snowed today. It was freezing yesterday.

I love Starbucks.
Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha. Try it if you haven't.

The end. I need to go study more.

Doodling is Therapy

I'm sitting here in the room for Social Psych half an hour early. It's lovely. I feel like shit though. I went to the luncheon. Free food. Then I went to Emmanuel Lib to study, where I felt even more icky.

I doodled (as you can see). I don't even really care for this presentation. It's called "almost read everything straight from the slide." That's how much I'm caring right now. Fuck it.

I need to study more Patho but I just want to be a fatty and eat some food. Yesterday I didn't even realize until 12am that I didn't eat anything substantial, just junk food. Chips, dry cereal. I at least had two apples. Maybe I'll go to Boloco and get a large Teriyaki. That's always good. Or the galleria... McDonald's? Ugh. Who knows. Now I'm hungry and class doesn't even start for another 20 minutes. And we go until 6:15. Hopefully we'll finish early.

This really is crunch time. I'm either at class or at a library. Fuck.

*YAWN*

I'm so fucking sleepy. Ugh. I had a dream that I was studying Patho/Physio! Wtf! So it seemed like I wasn't sleeping at all.

Anyway, I have the Phonathon Luncheon thing to go to (free food), and then off to study more. Then I have my presentation in Social Psych to do. I don't really care about it, I'm just going to read off the slides/not completely. Trudi does not care. Then it's studying, studying, studying my life away. I have lab tomorrow morning at 8 too. Shit.

Gbye.

Good Morning.

It's Hump day! But not really. Everyday is a Monday.

I really wanted Dunkin Donuts earlier... like a breakfast sandwich and coffee. However, I can't spend money. So I'm going to heat up one of those single breakfast sausage patties that is like 1 inch in diameter? Whatever, and make coffee and bring it in my metal thing.

I don't know why I'm having trouble with IPEP. I feel like if I had a job at a pharmacy, it wouldn't be a problem. But of course, it is. Which is why I'm looking for a job after finals. I need money, and the experience will help me greatly. Drugs cannot be the wall that blocks me; it's what I'm going to be doing the rest of my life.

Le sigh.


That is my door.

Stagnant

Nothing new. Just school. And exams. And projects. And FINALS in two weeks! :X eep.

This week I'll probably have the IPEP pop quiz on Wednesday. I also have my Social Psych presentation on Thursday. We have yet to meet up. There's also that luncheon on Thursday as well. Friday I have lab and it also is the 4th Physio/Patho exam. I need to do well. Saturday is the COF Chorus concert, doing the Messiah, part one, and then Hallelujah Chorus.

Other things, I don't know. I don't like this weird place I'm in right now. Eckh.

Also, time to lose weight.

I don't want Type II diabetes mellitus.

Back at HOME

Well, yes, I'm back in Boston. I really feel like I should've just stayed here and studied. I could've gotten some chicken legs and roasted it, Stove Top stuffing, boxed mashed potatoes, packet gravy, a can of whipped cream and a pumpkin pie, and I could've been a fatty here. Indeed. Oh well.

I got home and had to paint and move furniture. Because we had all the windows in my house replaced with new ones (it was about time) so they decided to paint the living room, which they had done last week. So when I got home it was time for the dining room. And that is what I was doing. I don't even remember where my time went. These past couple of days have gone by so fast.


See? We had to repaint the ceiling white and then we painted the walls the "Ocean Kiss."


As you can see in the above picture, this is my dining room. This is how it was on Thanksgiving Day. We ate in our kitchen with everything on the table. It was fine, I guess.

In the below picture is part of my living room. As you can see we now have bay windows, which I really like. But yes, see everything that was in there while we worked in the dining room?
I got to watch Legally Blonde: the Musical on MTV while we were painting. I liked it. I especially like the song "Chip On My Shoulder," which I am listening to right now. It is inspiring me.

Here are some lyrics from it...

"There's a chip on my shoulder
And it's big as a boulder
With the chance I've been given
I'm gonna be driven as hell

I'm so close I can taste it
So I'm not gonna waste it
Yeah, there's a chip on my shoulder
You might wanna get one as well"

This is what we had last night, which we did not properly make. It was too icy, which caused it to melt, and not keep slushly form. I was basically the only one who drank this because Monette and Mariel came over and we played a new board game we got. So we watched TV shows online and ate Taco Bell like the fatties we are. I hate being fat. They are enablers. :P

the world's best webcam

this was crazy.

What A Shitty Thanksgiving

It's true. The only thing I probably gained in these past couple of days is the fact that I don't want to be fat anymore. Anyway...

So I come home to a house with furniture all around because they decided to paint the living room and dining room after we had all the windows in our house replaced. That is what I've been doing since I've been home. I did not come home to do this stuff. I wanted a break. Ugh. Oh well. Fuck.

I only saw Rachel and Gillian. We had dessert at Fridays with a waiter who seemed very attentive to me for some reason. I don't know?

I haven't even had time to study like I planned. I'm already leaving Saturday morning. There's only tomorrow left, Friday, and I'm supposed to be out all day with my sister, then come home to put up the damn Christmas tree. Ugh, I should have stayed in Boston like I originally planned on doing. Whatevers. I hate the bitching and stupid yelling of my family.

I'd probably rather be alone and away from people that make it seem even worse to be who you are. We'll see what I do for Christmas and New Year's. I do have my apartment. I don't have to come home. I could just stay there alone and starve myself in the cold and maybe, just maybe actually lose weight.

I didn't even get to see Heather. She's probably the only person I really wanted to see this break. I feel like shit right now.

I didn't even wear my dressy clothes that I brought home today. Because instead, I was wearing my "painting clothes" from here all day. I haven't changed all day. Mother fucker.

Wow. Reflection.

I was just reading some of my old entries on here. Wow, have I changed. But not really. I've definitely changed in my academic habits. Of course I had to. I would not still be here at MCPHS if I didn't.

Anyway, back in high school, people would think that I would be "studying" all the time. Instead, I was either A) stuffing my face, B) watching television, or C) on the computer doing hours of nothing. I guess I fooled everyone. I don't see how I passed with B's and B+'s. In retrospect, however, I remember being mad about my grades. Then again, it was my fault. Looking back, if I had the mindset back then that I have now, I could've gotten straight A's. High school seems so much easier now than this all of this college stuff. I mean, you had homework grades to factor in! Here, it's just a # of exams and a final. Nothing else counts. So you really need to work and learn how to study. You really find out what works for you.

Anyhow, I really do have to go now and study. I'm not lying anymore. :P

I cannot wait for after Monday. I'm leaving quite early Tuesday morning. I'm so excited.
Thanksgiving. And turkey, stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes. Oh! and monkey bread. Mmm.

Procrastinating...

That is my Physiology/Pathophysiology professor and his family.

"So that's why he's all up on the Japanese-y..."

This is a picture from my sister... Oh, look! It's the Quiznos Sub I worked at during the summer...

Waiting to Get Into Lab...

That's my lab. It's about 8 o clock and here I am waiting to get in. I'm usually the first one here waiting like a geek ten minutes before and then everyone else starts to roll in.

I've got class afterwards this and then it's studying for the entire weekend again... AND getting ready to go home... buying my bus ticket and packing.

Later.

One More Exam Before A Short Break

I've become fond of blogging on my phone. I mean it does have a full keyboard. Why not?

Lately, I've really been feeling alone (as stated in my previous entry.) I still have one more exam to get through before I can take that 7 hours or longer total time trip home. At least it'll be a break. I really need it. :(

Even my friends and such just do things that sort of indicate "I don't care about you that much." So I pretty much accept that fact and don't really bother anyone when I feel like talking...

Oh well.

I need to shower and study.

Concert is tonight. 8am lab tomorrow morning.

Ugh. Then a weekend full of studying for Monday morning's exam.

I just want to play my violin in the park or something. For my own enjoyment, and if anyone else wanted to listen in they would be more than welcomed...

I'm really not feeling school and studying right now. I'm itching just to take a break from it and all of these exams.

I also have tons on my mind, yet it sucks because I have no one to dish it out to. And those that I feel that I could are busy or others will tell me to shut the fuck up and stop whining. I need a therapist. I'd much rather pay someone to listen to my bitching without them telling me otherwise because it's their job.

Ugh. Someone cheer me up. I need it.

Make me smile and I'll bake you cookies. Well not really, but it's the thought that counts right?

Also, I hate being fat, my left eye, and my teeth. Three things that hinder me and cause low self-esteem.

Life right now sucks.
And I'm probably going to be alone the rest of my life.

Once again, someone cheer me up.

Norwood Middle School Fight Posted on You Tube

Kids these days are getting more and more reckless. I hate it.

What's the use of fighting? You're going to keep going until something serious happens? Murder?

They don't think of what the consequences will be. I hope those other girls were expelled or greatly disciplined.

It's What I Want

But unfortunately, can't have for a while... I'm brokes. I really, really want those holiday drinks! Eggnog latte... peppermint mocha... and that other one. Hah, I can't think of it right now. But they are all good. Eggnog latte is my favorite.

Maybe when I go home for Thanksgiving, I'll pick up a carton of eggnog. Non-alcoholic of course.

Le Sigh... Again.

It's November 9th already. Well, the 10th, because today is almost over. Where the hell did my time go?

I have 3 (three) exams before Thanksgiving.
Biochem - Monday
Pathophys - Wednesday
Pharmaceutics - Next Monday

I think I'm going to go home on Tuesday. Meaning I will be skipping Trudi's class. I'll have to tell her. So if I go home on Tuesday, then I'll have until Saturday. I'll be coming back Saturday.

Ugh. I cannot wait until then. But three exams block my path. SIGH.

In other news, something happened to me that has changed me. For the better. I've learned from it. But never will it come out. At least for a couple years.

I'm eating Cheddar and Broccoli soup. It came in powder form, and all I had to do was boil water, add the soup, and stir for 10 minutes. It made one half of a gallon! Yikes. I guess I'm going to be eating soup for the rest of the weekend (which by the way, I had off today, for observance of Veteran's. BUT as I stated earlier, I have an exam Monday, so I do have classes.)


Anyway, I hate money. I really do. Everything requires money. And prices just keep going up for those essential things: food, shelter, clothes. Although I'm not buying clothes because I don't need them... but food and rent. Those are ongoing things. Meh. :/

I WAS ATTACKED!!!

Still At It: Even More Determined

I'm still at it even though I just took three exams this week already. Even though I don't have another for about two weeks I'm already studying for them. I really need to do well. I know I say that all the time but the two exams I took Monday did not go over too well. I don't exactly know how I did yet but I know I did bad.

So I have to really step it up and just study better and get things done or else I'm screwed. Plain and simple huh.

I hate how I didn't learn to study until, what, last semester? Fuck. I'm trying my hardest now though. We'll see what comes from it.

It's Halloween and I bought makeup from Walgreens b/c I wanted to put a zombie bite on my neck. But we'll see if I actually do. Haha.

I'm getting candy on sale on Thursday morn. Hell yeah. Haha.

Sad... yet determined. oh well.

So this year I am not going to the Harvest Ball. Although I completely was planning on going... up until this week hit and it dawned on me that I don't know half the shit I need to know for my two exams on Monday. But I also have an exam on Tuesday. So now I'm studying instead of dancing and eating good food along w/ getting free glassware, provided by SGA. Oh well. Instead I'm going to study my little heart out and do awesome on these exams. I better. I'm not not going just to do bad on them.

Fo real.

I Need to Step It Up. Period.

So I'm finding this the only way to blog now. From my cell phone between short periods between classes. I feel so overwhelmed with everything, but then I think to myself: why is it so hard? Just get your ass in gear, step it up, and just do it. No fucking joke. This is my life and if I fail out, I wouldn't know what to do. I don't want to think of alternatives. I already overheard other third years saying they were going to transfer to do something else if they fail
a class. It makes me nervous. I'm not failing though but I definitely need to do better though in all my classes. "Act like a transfer" is my new motto.

Sigh

You were in my dream last night. We were in a park, sitting on one of those wooden benches. The weather was unbelievably amazing. We were just cuddling in each other arms. You were playfully biting my shoulder.

I turned and looked into your eyes, and we kissed. And kissed some more. You smiled and started to laugh, which was so cute. I smiled, too. Then you hugged me oh so well.

Temporary Insomnia

So I went to bed at 1:30am ish, and then I woke up at like 3:00am. Ugh and I couldn't fall back asleep, so here I am. I had to be up early anyway because I have lab at 8am. Ugh. A total of what, 1.5 hours? Shit. What's wrong with me? And Wednesday and Thursday morning I was so freaking sleepy. I even fell asleep in Biochem. UGH.

Going to go find something else to do. Maybe study. Or eat like the fatty I am.

It's Almost Been A Week

So I had to fix that. A quickie post for now.

There just have been exams every week. And all I can do is study for them. And it does pay off.

I just need to keep up on that and don't fall behind in any subject.

So in other news... I had a mishap with my phone. My phone fell in a water puddle outside... so water damage. The outside keys work well. But the inside keyboard is not working properly. I have insurance so I'm getting a replacement, although I had to pay a $50 deductible. Oh well. It's better than paying full price for another one, or any other phone at full price. So I'll be getting that sometime this week.

But now I must go back to studying. I have a Social Psychology exam this Thursday which I'm kind of nervous about. But I just have to study more.

Also, I'm doing the Phonathon again. So my evenings from Monday - Thursday are taken now. Monday I have chorus. Then Tuesday and Wednesday is Phonathon. And Thursday is orchestra.

I have a Biochemistry exam this coming Monday so the entire weekend will be devoted to that. But I also need to study for Pharmaceutics, Pharmaceutics Lab, and IPEP because the following Friday is Harvest Ball, but the Monday right after I have exams in all three of those classes. FUN stuff.

LATER.
By the way, I hate my eye. And my teeth.

Where Else Would I Be?

Well here I am once again, studying my life away in the library. It sucks.

I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. Sorry, random but it's true...

Here It Is

So I got my phone. It just so happens it was in the office downstairs, and that they did not notify me. Instead, they put a card with someone else's apt in my box. But yeah it was downstairs the entire weekend, and since no one is in the office in the weekend, and on Columbus Day, I had to wait until this morning.

I'm Lonely...

Today is a New Day

Something has clicked in me. I don't know. But no more "puttzing" around. Let's see what comes of it...

On Friends and Relationships

I'm not going to rant. Or complain. I just wanted to get my opinion out there.

I have friends that are in a frat. However, I knew for a fact that once they decided they wanted to pledge and be apart of it, our friendships would never be the same.

And thus, the reality of it all.

Of course, they have their loyalties now. Their brothers and sisters come first. Fine, sure, whatever. Understandable. But now I don't treat it anymore as waiting for them to invite or whatever. It's just me moving on, not waiting.

It's cool though when they try to make time to hang out with me. But it's not the same. It doesn't feel the same. Because then I just get bombarded with frat talk, this happened, and that happened, and yeah I know it's your life, but really, what about me? I hope I'm not coming across as selfish because I'm really not, and I'm not trying to be.

I understand that that is part of their life now. It's a lifelong commitment. Sure, I understand. But when you're not with your sisters and brothers, couldn't you simply just leave it at the door, for one time?

Starbucks

Starbucks Coffee rules my life. mmm.

I'm Getting a New Phone

I should actually have it already. But, I think the Office downstairs has it? Or it's still in the process of getting to my apartment... However, both the office downstairs and the mail system do not happen on Sundays, and since Monday is a holiday... I will have to wait until Tuesday! UGHHHHHH. Tuesday is too far. I have a Physiology exam Friday. And in IPEP I'm pretty sure they're going to pop us that quiz this Wednesday. Wonderful.

Haha Finally

So last night was the first time I drank since being back in Boston.
No, it wasn't a party. Just me and a friend. We had a good time, watched 300 and went "Hey...." every couple of minutes, haha.

There would've been more people but a lot of people went home to work, or simply just had other stuff going on. Whatevsss. We had a good time ;D.

So yeah I have my Captain now. Heh. Of course I didn't drink a lot. I only had like one double shot then a strong rum and coke. Haha it felt good.

From NYC

This picture is from when I was in nyc in june, at the skechers store. they are girls but i like them Haha. if only my feet were smaller..

I love studying

Last night was the white coat ceremony and my family was here. it was alright, nothing too big. im getting the enV soon. its on its way to my house so my dad is going to ship it once it arrives. enV orange. holla.

Sia - Buttons (Promo Video)

MMM love this video. love her.

Tired

So sleepy. ugh.

Yes this is so true. ugh school is a drag. my fam is coming tomo night so thatll be cool. i need to do dishes. im gonna go do that now before sleep. peace

So i'm sitting here in

So i'm sitting here in my apartment getting ready to go to the library. to study. pharmaceutics. i have an exam on monday. white coat

Coffee and White Coat

So this week's worries are over, but that doesn't mean my worries are over. Now it's Pharmaceutics on my plate along with IPEP. Along with studying for Physio/Patho already. AGAIN. The fun never ends.


So my white coat ceremony is this Monday and my family is coming up. Fun. It's going to be a busy day. Mondays, of course, are my worst. BLAH.

Coffee makes me happy. Iced right now. Because Lord knows it; it's effing hot.

So Quick Post

I'm in the library right now studying with Brigitte.

And I just felt like I needed to encourage and remind myself.

Do everything you can and do your best and if you fail, then at least you know you tried your hardest. Then you can work on improving.

But if you don't try your hardest; if you feel like you slacked, and then you fail, then you truly are a failure.

It Does Exist

An awkward picture with the famous icon from Donnie Darko taken at collegefest.

I hate my eye. I look like a retarded chameleon.

And now it's back to studying. I could've went later and saw the Shop Boyz, but oh well. It's study time in Beantown.

My So-Called Life at MCPHS.

Landslide

I found this and fell in love. I want to do something like this.

So Many Things That I Want to Do But

There's simply no time for them.

Just for my tracking, I'm going to list them. At least, most of them.

-make a shirt. something inspiring. something that other people will look at and put a smile on their face.
-practice my violin without having to be "hush sound."
-make violin covers
-get a job (i really do need to do this one though)
-explore more of boston (find those undiscovered coffee shops, hang out in the park, etc.etc...)
-make new friends
-sketch in the park
-do paintings on canvases
-take inspiring photos
-play more piano (or in my case, 1980s ancient keyboard)

Those are only some of the things I want to do. And that's already a lot if you think about it.

Instead I'm studying. Three (3) exams next week. Ugh.

At least I can look forward to CollegeFest this Saturday... that's if I get sufficient studying in beforehand... Biochemistry exam and Pharmaceutics Lab Quiz on Monday.

Yikes.

Someone write me because I hate to say it, but I'm starting to get lonely here all by myself in the apartment. Everyone else is too busy doing their own thing... it's sad really. So write me snail mail. If you're a random person reading this, leave a comment with your e-mail address and I'll send you my address. Send me something, why not? Bright up my day. I like getting mail in my box. Except for when they are bills. Writing my first check was fun... but now it's just a dent in my checkbook.

Stressed Already

I'm already stressed a lot. And to date we've only had two weeks of school so far. Yikes! There's just so much material for each course. I have a quiz and an exam on Monday and another exam on Wednesday. Ugh.

Biochemistry.
Human Physiology/Pathophysiology.
Pharmaceutics + Lab.
IPEP. ugh.

The books and I are going to be very good buddies.

Here's to You

Here's to you, my imaginary reader. I thank you for listening to my ranting, my life stories, reveling in every little detail of what I have to offer.

Here's to you, as I sit here in my apartment, table scattered with books and paper, ready to be devoured by my eyes and mind.

Here's to you. I live my life as it comes, doing what needs to be done. No more screwing around. It's time to become an adult, and I thank you, imaginary reader, for being here all the way through, in the past, the present, and the upcoming future.

Here's to you.

Mondays

They're the worst day in the week for me. I have class from 9-4 straight. It's fun stuff. Oh, so fun.

And now I'm trying to eat but I feel sick. Meh.



I have a new mantra. Er, not a mantra. Actually, I don't really know what a mantra is... (dictionary.com)... okay, not a mantra. But one of those, "I'm going to live by" thingies. So here it is. I'm going to stop trying. Not really stop trying in life. I just mean, like, if people don't want to deal with me, that's fine. They can go off in their merry way, and part we will go. Otherwise, I'm just going to live my life day to day, accepting those who want to have me as a part of their life. I don't want to be one of those people that pointlessly try and try with no response on the other end. It's tiring and is something I just don't want to deal with anymore.

So. There you have it.

The Postal Service cover - Such Great Heights

I found this today and fell in love.

Studying and a Haircut

So all I've been trying to do so far this weekend is study. It's getting there. But it's already Saturday night. And I have nothing else on my plate except study. Because everyone else is out of town. And yes that's my 30 dollar haircut that I got. It was the first time I ever had the "wash and cut" dealy. I thought my hair looked fab in this picture, even though I'm not smiling or have my eyes open.

I thought this was a cool picture that I took. It's sort of artsy.


Now that I look at it, I feel like it should be up in a middle school somewhere, with a witty educational slogan.

And this is me, when I'm trying to study. Sleeping is my passion.

I Guess After All This Time Thinking

... that I wasn't, I am. I'm still a loner. It's weird. I don't know what to say. How to interpret what I'm thinking.

Someone should talk to me about this. But not feel awkward, or obligated.

Oh I know, a therapist?

Hah. But who has the money for them?

Yesterday was that Tequila Rain "Welcome Back Social."
It was okay. I didn't drink or anything. I had lab this morning at 8. So ended up leaving there mad early. Even though there were a BUNCH of people there, I still felt sort of alone. I guess I don't fit in with those people. It was basically all the frats who were there, drunken, and all the freshman future wanna-bes. I was with some cool people, but the people who I really wanted to be with were a) MIA or b) unable to hang b/c of other duties. I feel that our friendships may not last long anymore. Everyone has a busy schedule. And I might as well just let them steamroll ahead while I go at my own lost and unaware pace.

And in other aspects of life, I'm confused about as well. Mer.

LIFE..

Shouldn't I be really happy? I have my own place, I'm living in Boston for Christs sake.

Maybe I'm looking too much into this stuff.

It's only the beginning of the semester. Let's see how things roll out.

Confused. and Having a Good Cry.

You know, having a good cry where you just let out everything is good for you. Who cares if you're a guy, girl, gay, or straight. Crying helps when you can't do anything else.

I wanted to put this 2 days ago, but didn't have time.Can you see the old man? This is from my bathroom window. It's the dumpsters for Back Bay Manor. It's an old Asian man collecting cans and bottles. I don't know how I feel about it.


I just took this. I don't understand how someone can like me, but someone does. I'm so confused. God, my self-esteem is low. I'm so fat.

Crying helps. Letting go that hard exterior helps. Whatever.

Because, somedays aren't yours at all.

Mer.

Mer... It's only Tuesday. At least tomorrow is hump day... I will write more later... I promise. :/

C'est Moi

Me, being a good boy, studying/reading in my bathroom.

AWESOME. Ridiculously happy.

So I'm sitting in my apartment, with mostly everything unpacked. My family is still here.

But now I have to deal with all this business:
getting internet
getting cable
finance junk
verifying information
ordering more checks
etc.etc.

Because right now I am stealing someone's internet. And as I type, I am going over all this stuff I need to do.

"Liberty Mutual. RESPONSIBILITY."

It's Official

I am leaving very soon.
I cannot wait.

I'm not looking forward to any traffic or whatnot.
I hope everyone moved in earlier instead of when I get there. I hope.

Laters.

Going to Sleep...

So I am quite literally sitting on my floor typing this on my laptop, ready to sleep. I disassembled my bed, so tonight I am sleeping on my floor. Everything is not quite packed up yet, but tomorrow is the last chance, so I'll have to finish everything. We are also getting the U-Haul tomorrow, so then I can pack that up and all. I am really sleepy. I am just typing this with my eyes closed b/c I am about to be knocked out. Well good night.

BTW I want to see that Rob Zombie remake of Halloween. Even though the 1st and original is probably the best and can never be outshone.

MM HMM girlfriend.

HOORAH!

Today was my last day of work at the Q!!! And I was so happy earlier.

However, right now, I'm feeling sick to my stomach. So I'm not really packing like I should be. Instead I'm going to lay down and watch the Science of Sleep.

Anyways I don't have anything else to write for now. My stomach is making my head hurt. Ugh. I feel like I'm going to throw up.

And this obviously isn't me. But this is what my situation is. Haha. And the guy is cute.