It's Getting Closer

As each day passes, I can feel the days of classes coming closer (as you can see by my counter at the top of my blog). I can really feel the fall weather coming along. 

So last week I was in Wildwood, New Jersey with my sister, mom, dad, and my two cousins. My dad was only there for a couple of days, and my cousins did not come until the middle of the week.

All in all, it was fun. I freaking love the shore. I love the beach. I could just sit there on the sand all day (with that umbrella and sunblock, haha) and listen to the sounds of the waves, seagulls, and children laughing. I just love it.

Unfortunately, I did get somewhat burned. It was not bad though. I am, however, peeling on my upper arms and back. Yucky. But I am a golden color. Jealous? Haha.

Also, anyone watching the Olympics?! I heart swimming and gymnastics. I won't post any results, just in case you haven't seen it yet.

Hm. I still have to buy one more textbook. I should do that tomorrow morning. That's another $70. Sweet. I should get to bed.

And I'm really feeling my new song on here, "Please forgive me" by David Gray. It suits how I am feeling right now, in a sort of limbo, if you will.

So I'm trying to get on a track of healthy lifestyle and eating. Because I really believe I have the potential to become healthy. I just need to really discipline myself and do what I have to to achieve what I want to see in myself. I'll get there.

I can't believe I'm going to be a 4th year. Then again, everyone I graduated high school with will be graduating this year. 2009. I'm 2011. It'll be worth it in the end. I cannot wait.

Time is just flying by so fast.

Anyway, looks like I have ADHD right now with my typing. I haven't really blogged in a while.

PS. my camera (my sister's old one) died on me when we were at the shore! Ugh. I don't know what to do. I'm going to have to break out my 1.3Mb Olympus from 2001. Sweet son.

Drink lots of water, start taking the stairs all the time again, do my work workbook, start reviewing my biochemistry, finish reading that book before summer is over, laundry, organize, clean clean clean. The list goes on.

Goodnight.

And if you haven't seen something called Dr. Horrible yet, google. Or just go to http://hulu.com/drhorrible and you'll be redirected to watch the whole show.

Stagnant

Nothing new. Just school. And exams. And projects. And FINALS in two weeks! :X eep.

This week I'll probably have the IPEP pop quiz on Wednesday. I also have my Social Psych presentation on Thursday. We have yet to meet up. There's also that luncheon on Thursday as well. Friday I have lab and it also is the 4th Physio/Patho exam. I need to do well. Saturday is the COF Chorus concert, doing the Messiah, part one, and then Hallelujah Chorus.

Other things, I don't know. I don't like this weird place I'm in right now. Eckh.

Also, time to lose weight.

I don't want Type II diabetes mellitus.

So Quick Post

I'm in the library right now studying with Brigitte.

And I just felt like I needed to encourage and remind myself.

Do everything you can and do your best and if you fail, then at least you know you tried your hardest. Then you can work on improving.

But if you don't try your hardest; if you feel like you slacked, and then you fail, then you truly are a failure.

So Many Things That I Want to Do But

There's simply no time for them.

Just for my tracking, I'm going to list them. At least, most of them.

-make a shirt. something inspiring. something that other people will look at and put a smile on their face.
-practice my violin without having to be "hush sound."
-make violin covers
-get a job (i really do need to do this one though)
-explore more of boston (find those undiscovered coffee shops, hang out in the park, etc.etc...)
-make new friends
-sketch in the park
-do paintings on canvases
-take inspiring photos
-play more piano (or in my case, 1980s ancient keyboard)

Those are only some of the things I want to do. And that's already a lot if you think about it.

Instead I'm studying. Three (3) exams next week. Ugh.

At least I can look forward to CollegeFest this Saturday... that's if I get sufficient studying in beforehand... Biochemistry exam and Pharmaceutics Lab Quiz on Monday.

Yikes.

Someone write me because I hate to say it, but I'm starting to get lonely here all by myself in the apartment. Everyone else is too busy doing their own thing... it's sad really. So write me snail mail. If you're a random person reading this, leave a comment with your e-mail address and I'll send you my address. Send me something, why not? Bright up my day. I like getting mail in my box. Except for when they are bills. Writing my first check was fun... but now it's just a dent in my checkbook.

Stressed Already

I'm already stressed a lot. And to date we've only had two weeks of school so far. Yikes! There's just so much material for each course. I have a quiz and an exam on Monday and another exam on Wednesday. Ugh.

Biochemistry.
Human Physiology/Pathophysiology.
Pharmaceutics + Lab.
IPEP. ugh.

The books and I are going to be very good buddies.

It's Been 3 Weeks

Three weeks since I've been home. Wonderful. And I have done absolutely nothing. Expect maybe order my Med Term book. Which I haven't really opened yet. Ugh. Life sucks here.

It seems to be that my youtube craze is calming. But that's only because I have nothing to talk about. Or don't really want to talk about things for all to see, in my most vulnerable state. I want to talk about meaningful things, not just how my day was, and the rest of the video filled with silence and/or "ums." That sucks. I wouldn't want to watch a video like that. We will see. I want to record myself playing "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds and singing it if I can, but I haven't quite mastered the rhythm of the singing part to go along with the piano. Oh well.

Well I need a job. I cannot be staying at home in my tornado-strucken room. I've applied to many places. CVS has fucked me over, to say in the best way. Yeah. I could've gotten a position as a Pharm Tech at Deborah, however, they were looking for someone who was able to work year-round. Obviously I can't do that because I go to school in Boston. Yeah. So they hired someone else. Funny though, the lady told me 2 other applicants were in the same position as me, where they do not go to school in the area, but was applying for the Pharm Tech position. Oh well. I got an e-mail from Walgreens saying they were interested and junk, however, I've called the woman back twice already and left voicemails, and e-mailed back, but no response yet. And nothing back from Acme yet. I just applied to Walmart and Shoprite.

It seems that I've gotten so used to the taste of failure that I don't even care what happens to me in the future. Seriously, I'm fat, unemployed, and contribute nothing to the world. All I do is stress my family out, and take their money and eat their food. Why am I alive?

Thanks.

And I believe that everything is stemmed from that faithful day during senior year, the first day I ever deliberately cut school because it was the day after prom weekend. It was that day when I crashed my car and life spiraled down from there. I should've just gone home with Jackie and made everyone else smush into the other two cars. So since I didn't have a car, I didn't have a job the summer before I left for college. But then that's just my fault. Because why couldn't I just get a job where it was close enough to walk to... say Acme? Why? Why didn't I do it? Because I'm a fucking retard, that's why. Wonderful. So summer wasted. Yay.

Last summer, same reason. Didn't work. But again, why didn't I work at somewhere close? Again, because I'm a fucking retard. I see you're catching on to the pattern. Congrats to you. Instead I did the show with the Rancocas Interfaith Players, until the beginning of August.

I SUCK AT LIFE.

And now I feel that I am so behind everyone else, because during those times that I was dilly dallying and wasting time at home, sleeping, eating, getting fatter, everyone else was building their foundations for what they have - for what I wish I had now. Pharmacy technician positions at hospitals, pharmacies, wherever, where I'm stuck at ground zero. Woo.

This also goes back to my performance in high school. Why the hell did I slack so much? I could've gotten A's and had a job when I was in high school. It seems like high school was NOTHING compared to my college, which shouldn't have been. I only felt like it was because I simply procrastinated and slacked, mind you I did finish all my work. However, I feel like if I just did not slack, high school would have been a breeze. And then I could've found a job, even just for the weekends or something. Instead I was a fat slob of whom I still am, with no job experience whatsoever. I don't think newspaper carrier "paper boy" counts for anything.

And so I'm left with all these regrets and mistakes that I have made. It sucks that I have only grown up right now. After two years of college. After everyone has been there for years and I'm just arriving.

The only thing I can do now is just accept it and do whatever I can to catch up with the others. And to just swallow whatever life throws at me and just do it.