I'm Getting a New Phone

I should actually have it already. But, I think the Office downstairs has it? Or it's still in the process of getting to my apartment... However, both the office downstairs and the mail system do not happen on Sundays, and since Monday is a holiday... I will have to wait until Tuesday! UGHHHHHH. Tuesday is too far. I have a Physiology exam Friday. And in IPEP I'm pretty sure they're going to pop us that quiz this Wednesday. Wonderful.

1 More Down, 2 More to Go!

YES! I only have two more days of work left! And I am so stoked! And thankfully I'll be working mornings! Because I absolutely hate doing closing. It's not that bad, it's just BORING.

I should be packing already. But I need to get boxes and such... I need to put everything in the living room so I know what I'm bringing and see how much I'll be bringing exactly. I CANNOT WAIT. I am too excited.

So anyway, last night I went to see off Gretchen because she went off to Stockton today! I went after work, when everyone was gone already. It was after 10 so it was just me and her fam fam. We only got one picture today on her real camera because all of theirs died! I guess from going crazy earlier... its understandable. So we cell phoned it. Haha. So here's one of me and her. We ate pizza, knocked off some pre-college jitters, and hugged and reminisced. She'll do fine. She has nothing to worry about. :)


And earlier today, I went to help Heather pack and move stuff into her car. She left later, after I left for work. I brought her Ben & Jerry's and we ate and chat, and we also reminisced. Then I helped her pack and all that jazz. More hugs, and promises, promises. Good luck wishes and whatnot.

It's Been 3 Weeks

Three weeks since I've been home. Wonderful. And I have done absolutely nothing. Expect maybe order my Med Term book. Which I haven't really opened yet. Ugh. Life sucks here.

It seems to be that my youtube craze is calming. But that's only because I have nothing to talk about. Or don't really want to talk about things for all to see, in my most vulnerable state. I want to talk about meaningful things, not just how my day was, and the rest of the video filled with silence and/or "ums." That sucks. I wouldn't want to watch a video like that. We will see. I want to record myself playing "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds and singing it if I can, but I haven't quite mastered the rhythm of the singing part to go along with the piano. Oh well.

Well I need a job. I cannot be staying at home in my tornado-strucken room. I've applied to many places. CVS has fucked me over, to say in the best way. Yeah. I could've gotten a position as a Pharm Tech at Deborah, however, they were looking for someone who was able to work year-round. Obviously I can't do that because I go to school in Boston. Yeah. So they hired someone else. Funny though, the lady told me 2 other applicants were in the same position as me, where they do not go to school in the area, but was applying for the Pharm Tech position. Oh well. I got an e-mail from Walgreens saying they were interested and junk, however, I've called the woman back twice already and left voicemails, and e-mailed back, but no response yet. And nothing back from Acme yet. I just applied to Walmart and Shoprite.

It seems that I've gotten so used to the taste of failure that I don't even care what happens to me in the future. Seriously, I'm fat, unemployed, and contribute nothing to the world. All I do is stress my family out, and take their money and eat their food. Why am I alive?

Thanks.

And I believe that everything is stemmed from that faithful day during senior year, the first day I ever deliberately cut school because it was the day after prom weekend. It was that day when I crashed my car and life spiraled down from there. I should've just gone home with Jackie and made everyone else smush into the other two cars. So since I didn't have a car, I didn't have a job the summer before I left for college. But then that's just my fault. Because why couldn't I just get a job where it was close enough to walk to... say Acme? Why? Why didn't I do it? Because I'm a fucking retard, that's why. Wonderful. So summer wasted. Yay.

Last summer, same reason. Didn't work. But again, why didn't I work at somewhere close? Again, because I'm a fucking retard. I see you're catching on to the pattern. Congrats to you. Instead I did the show with the Rancocas Interfaith Players, until the beginning of August.

I SUCK AT LIFE.

And now I feel that I am so behind everyone else, because during those times that I was dilly dallying and wasting time at home, sleeping, eating, getting fatter, everyone else was building their foundations for what they have - for what I wish I had now. Pharmacy technician positions at hospitals, pharmacies, wherever, where I'm stuck at ground zero. Woo.

This also goes back to my performance in high school. Why the hell did I slack so much? I could've gotten A's and had a job when I was in high school. It seems like high school was NOTHING compared to my college, which shouldn't have been. I only felt like it was because I simply procrastinated and slacked, mind you I did finish all my work. However, I feel like if I just did not slack, high school would have been a breeze. And then I could've found a job, even just for the weekends or something. Instead I was a fat slob of whom I still am, with no job experience whatsoever. I don't think newspaper carrier "paper boy" counts for anything.

And so I'm left with all these regrets and mistakes that I have made. It sucks that I have only grown up right now. After two years of college. After everyone has been there for years and I'm just arriving.

The only thing I can do now is just accept it and do whatever I can to catch up with the others. And to just swallow whatever life throws at me and just do it.