Let's Talk About the Weather, Yeah?

It's just been horrible! Cold and rainy, and barely any sun at all! Where's the summer?! The couple of days that have been sunny I've been at work. So no sun exposure for me. I need my vitamin D, you see!

Anyway, my brother should be getting his iPhone soon and moving to AT&T. I can upgrade my phone and was thinking about the enV Touch. The only con I see and have heard about it is the battery life. However, if the battery life is comparable to the enV, I think I should be fine. However, this upgrade isn't going to happen anytime soon I think.

I would much rather have an iPhone... but not with AT&T. And not with ~$100 a month. I'm not a pharmacist yet. Hah.

In other news, I think I am heading to Vegas in August! I can't wait. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the expenses. Everything is so expensive there! Agh. We'll see if it happens though.

Anyway, looks like I'll be heading home soon at the end of July for Mariel's graduation/birthday party, followed by jury duty! Ugh. I've never had to do jury duty. And apparently, contrary to my father's words, my pharmacist said I could get out of it. I'll have to have a talk with him about that. Because, you know I asked about it, because I'm out of state and a student here.

Looks like I'm also not working the 4th this year. Nora was considerate and gave it off for me because she thought I may have plans. I didn't have any, then I did, and then those plans fell through. So I'm not working. Kristine has the shift. So I'm fine with that since she could use it more than me. Although I wouldn't mind getting time and a half for 8 hours.

It's Funny, Isn't It?

The way things are? I just have to laugh at things for a second when I realize my current situation in all aspects of life. Who I am, where I am, what I'm doing, who my friends and family are, my mental health. There's just a lot of stuff.

Anyway, I would like to write everything I'm thinking in here, but think it would be too revealing for myself. I'll just stick to a good ol' journal for this one...

In the meantime, go purchase Regina Spektor's new album, "Far." It is amazing, even if a lot of the songs are "old" as one reviewer in iTunes stated. However, those songs that are "old" have never been released as official recordings, besides live versions. Anyway, I'm quite happy with it. It goes back to her old sounds of mostly piano without overpowering background instruments.

Good day.

Facebook Graffiti

Here's a bunch of graffiti I have done in the past couple of days with my Bamboo Fun tablet that my brother and sister got me recently for my birthday. I think I'm learning fast. :) I want to be able to make amazing pictures like the ones you see in "This Week's Top Graffiti."

This Blows

I've been living a lonely life. For about 22 years. I am 22. And I've never felt so alone than right now.

I guess this is what I always wanted. Living in the city in my own apartment, free to do whatever I pleased. It's just not bringing me the happiness I thought it would. It doesn't work if you're just one person. Sure, I have friends. But they're not always around, or always want to hang out. They have their own lives. It's sad that I think that I can't just interrupt what they're doing and just drop in. Shouldn't I be able to do that?

Well here I am, just about 2 weeks out of 4th year, sitting in my kitchen, with these crappy home made chicken strips (thanks Betty Crocker) and attempting to read a long-time unfinished book. I figure I should just take up these fun-for-one activities because that's what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life.

I haven't even gone home yet. It's because of the stupid H1N1 (formerly known as Swine) flu. But at this point, I don't care. However, now I'm book at work for the next two weeks. So I think I'm going to ask for off sometime during that first week of June.

I'm just so bored with myself. I've come to the realization that if I were to ever end up on a deserted island by myself, I would go crazy and create myself some new "friends." So what I'm trying to say is that I think I'm the sort of person that just needs people in his life constantly. I'm in a difficult place right now.

And the loneliness just isn't helping.

I could write a lot of other stuff, but I don't want anyone who stumbles upon this to be too concerned.

Le sigh.

Battling the Demons Within

Wow, have I dug myself in a rutt lately. There are so many things on my mind. And I can't even being to formulate them into words. To put it into layman's terms: I think I'm crazy. Plain and simple. That's all. Depressed and crazy. Bi-polar type II.

I guess its just fitting that my relationships with people have been dwindling. I'm doing them a favor for them, giving them the option NOT to see me in my future disease state(s).

Finals are coming next week, and oh boy, they're not helping the situation.

I need a therapist. Someone who will sit there, "listen" and have it go in one ear and out the other. But at least they won't feel awkward. They won't know me. I find that easier to bear. I could just talk and cry as much as I want to, for a pricey fee.

And I think the reason I've been so accident prone these past couple of months is because of this. My mind is pre-occupied with crazy.

I watch Susan Boyle on youtube. She made me cry. Unfortunately, it still wasn't the good cry I've been trying to have. I think it's just boiled over so much that when I do, I feel that it will be such a disaster. Only I should be present, in consideration for the safety of others.

At least I know that no one will read this. I just have to get it out there. Keeping it inside is just too unbearable.

Current song: I Grieve - Peter Gabriel

I'm Home.

I'm on spring break at home right now and I must say, it really sucks. I have done absolutely nothing. Maybe I should've just stayed in Boston and worked. At least I could've made some money and actually studied. I've only gotten a little bit of studying done while here. And I still have much more to do.

Anyway, I freaking hate it here because I can't play the piano when I want to. In the morning my mom is babysitting and so I cannot play it. Then when the baby leaves, my dad comes home and eats dinner in the kitchen. Again I can't play it. And then when I want to play it later at night, I can't because it's too late. Wtf. All I want is a digital keyboard so I can just stay in Boston and play real piano. That keyboard just isn't cutting it anymore. Ughhhhhh...

this is how i educate myself. with a damn podium and computer console right in front of the board

Someone reassure me?

I have this uneasy feeling where things just won't go as I hope. For example: academia.

I hope I did okay on the Pharmacology exam. And Virology and Pharmacokinetics just don't seem to be getting impressed in my brain.

It was bad enough one of my colleagues approached myself and two others and asked, "Did you guys get the email for Rho Chi (Honor Society)?" And we all just sat there and were like... .... And he responded with "Oh I thought at least one of you would get in it." And we responded back with "Nope just you!"

Sad. At this point, I just want to pass but still be able to be a great pharmacist. I don't want to be one of those horrible pharmacists... I just have to get through this. Someone reassure me?

hahaa this is prehaircut.

i dunno 2 weeks ago. gah. im so bored.

and alone.

ive accepted my fate.

Back into the Swing of Things

I am back in Boston. I came back on the 3rd and worked all of last week. It was really busy and bad. I don't understand it.

Classes have started. They seem really fun. Not! I need to keep up on things and not fall off the wagon. No slacking. I'm scared. Why can't I get good enough grades to get on the Dean's List? Ughh.

I also need to get my apartment organized, keep up on my diet, and find a new place to live for September! I can't be paying this ~$1200 thing anymore! I'm so broke it's not enough funny. Blah.

Anyway, I have to go finish my laundry, study, clean, do some exercises, and study some more.

Cheers.

PS. I still feel lost.