Battling the Demons Within

Wow, have I dug myself in a rutt lately. There are so many things on my mind. And I can't even being to formulate them into words. To put it into layman's terms: I think I'm crazy. Plain and simple. That's all. Depressed and crazy. Bi-polar type II.

I guess its just fitting that my relationships with people have been dwindling. I'm doing them a favor for them, giving them the option NOT to see me in my future disease state(s).

Finals are coming next week, and oh boy, they're not helping the situation.

I need a therapist. Someone who will sit there, "listen" and have it go in one ear and out the other. But at least they won't feel awkward. They won't know me. I find that easier to bear. I could just talk and cry as much as I want to, for a pricey fee.

And I think the reason I've been so accident prone these past couple of months is because of this. My mind is pre-occupied with crazy.

I watch Susan Boyle on youtube. She made me cry. Unfortunately, it still wasn't the good cry I've been trying to have. I think it's just boiled over so much that when I do, I feel that it will be such a disaster. Only I should be present, in consideration for the safety of others.

At least I know that no one will read this. I just have to get it out there. Keeping it inside is just too unbearable.

Current song: I Grieve - Peter Gabriel