argh

i feel broken. maybe ill just post something up on xanga sayin ill be leavin that alone for a while. i need to update this a lot more often. its already been about 2 months since my last post. =x yeah. well school is starting soon in about a week and like 2 days. sucks. i need to get all my english homework done. or else. im screwed. i have a test on the third day.

i need to do my SAT book. i hate how everyone is sayin theyre gettin like 1300-1400s. it sucks. i only took it twice so far, and i only got an 1180. sucks. didnt even get 1200. all this college stuff is making me stressed. so much. and on top of that regular school. and all the other activities im going to do. like STEP. and i havent even got a call or anything about that STEP minicamp or whatever we were supposed to have this summer. oh well.

i need a job. yet, i dont think ill be getting one. and i dont think ill want one during school, esp. now. i have lots of stuff going on, like step, keyclub activites, homecoming, nhs and nahs events, raising money still for france (if im still going). God i need to lose weight.

yeah did you know i got this program back in the middle of july. and i started it then stopped. then again i started it then stopped. im really going to start tomorrow and not stop. i need to get committed. the program is only 6 weeks. i really need to lose weight. i hate being fat. i want to fit a medium instead of an xl. i dont want this big ass anymore. everything makes me self concious and socially aware. i have issues.

ugh family? broken. i dont think its going to mend anytime soon. family sucks right now. really does.

i really want to see Garden State. and i really really want the garden state soundtrack, along with frou frou's Details. i [heart] the music. makes me feel like everything is going to be okay. ugh. cuz i know that everything is not. its nice to feel happy and hopeful once in a while.

right now my main priority is getting my daym AP english homework done. i still have kind of a lot to do. and i dont want to be left the night before finishing and studying. that really sucks. i need to get to the library. and i need a car to get to the library.

-----------

sorry was interuppted. and i fucking hate family. goddamn it. i just dont feel like i can live this life. someone talk to me before i do anything rash. please.

//EDIT//
new layout. new colors. blue. the color of sadness. just wanted something more interesting to look at. dont like it? toooooo bad. =þ