Fuck This Shit

I fucking hate my brother.

He's going to end up hitting his kids.

Maybe that's harsh, but it may or may not be true. I don't know.


Right now I just wish I could close my eyes and when I opened them I was in my apartment, everything unpacked, all my furniture set up, all the business stuff done and setup, and no one else but me. I wish I was in Boston right now. I wish I wish I wish I wish.

But where has wishing gotten anyone? No where. People can wish and pray all they want, but it's not going to help anymore than they want it to. All it does is give the person wishing or praying a sound mind for themselves. Reassurance and hope. Oh well. I don't believe in that.

Ugh fuck this shit, moving back is LONG fucking overdue.

I Need To Do Something With These Checks

Le sigh.

I'm in a blah mood right now.

I wish I could just stick to a diet plan so I could finally lose my fat ass.

I wish I had a pharmacy tech job back in high school of which I could have right now.

I wish I had more knowledge of my finance situations.

Blah. Enough wishing.

I still have my first paycheck, and now, my second paycheck. I need to cash my first paycheck and give that to my sister and mom for certain expenses. i.e. New York City and gas money. And then I'm going to just cash my second paycheck and just hold on to the money. Because my dad is so not supporting me of getting a Bank of America account. I'm just going to probably be one of those people who hide money under their mattress and mess up the census. So yeah I do not have ANY cash on me right now except like 3 dollars. Literally. I have 3 one dollar bills in my wallet. And lots of change. I'm going to Commerce Bank to the Penny Arcade and cash that in as well. I'm going to count it first so I can get a prize. Shit. I want a Bank of America CampusEdge Account.

I wish I had worked more. I wish I had money in the bank. I mean I do, but technically it's not mine. Ugh. I wish I had more financial responsibility.

Damn I need to stop dwelling on the past about my entire high school situation.
"I shouldn't have slacked off"
"I should have gotten a job"
"I should have joined track so I would actually lose weight"
"I shouldn't have slacked off" (yeah I know, I need to put it again)
"I should have been more open"

Whatever. Again, all I can do now is go on and try to make things better by working hard and giving an effort.

I want to make more youtube videos. I want to actually learn the lyrics of a lot of songs. I want to actually be able to play Ben Folds' songs by practicing. I want to actually start studying again. I need to buy my books.

I need to do a lot of stuff.

Goodnight.