HOORAH!

Today was my last day of work at the Q!!! And I was so happy earlier.

However, right now, I'm feeling sick to my stomach. So I'm not really packing like I should be. Instead I'm going to lay down and watch the Science of Sleep.

Anyways I don't have anything else to write for now. My stomach is making my head hurt. Ugh. I feel like I'm going to throw up.

And this obviously isn't me. But this is what my situation is. Haha. And the guy is cute.

My Last Day is Tomorrow!

THANK THE LORD!

My last day at Quiznos Sub is tomorrow! Too bad I'm working from 8-4. So it sucks because it's all day. And I have to work with this new girl... she's... alright. EH. I'll keep my opinions to myself. But anyway, everyone good for the morning crew is leaving. So I don't know how it's going to go down next week when none of us are there. Whatevs.

Well anyway, I should get ready for bed. I actually need to wake up early tomorrow. FUN. I leave you with a picture from me and Heather's short trip to Boston, with the Wilks brothers. How cute, huh?

1 More Down, 2 More to Go!

YES! I only have two more days of work left! And I am so stoked! And thankfully I'll be working mornings! Because I absolutely hate doing closing. It's not that bad, it's just BORING.

I should be packing already. But I need to get boxes and such... I need to put everything in the living room so I know what I'm bringing and see how much I'll be bringing exactly. I CANNOT WAIT. I am too excited.

So anyway, last night I went to see off Gretchen because she went off to Stockton today! I went after work, when everyone was gone already. It was after 10 so it was just me and her fam fam. We only got one picture today on her real camera because all of theirs died! I guess from going crazy earlier... its understandable. So we cell phoned it. Haha. So here's one of me and her. We ate pizza, knocked off some pre-college jitters, and hugged and reminisced. She'll do fine. She has nothing to worry about. :)


And earlier today, I went to help Heather pack and move stuff into her car. She left later, after I left for work. I brought her Ben & Jerry's and we ate and chat, and we also reminisced. Then I helped her pack and all that jazz. More hugs, and promises, promises. Good luck wishes and whatnot.

I Apologize...

...For yesterday's entry. It's my way of venting. But I was pissed off yesterday.

And I'd like to point out another thing - later on, it's like nothing happened. I hate that. There's no resolution or anything. It's like the ending of the book was cut off and we're left with a pile of problems that just stack up. Whatever, good for you those who got that metaphor thing ish.


Anyway, it's another entry about my impatience to move in! Here's a sneak pic. It's the view of my kitchen from the other side, by the window. Where I'm standing is where my bar table will go. And that's Heather standing in the doorway. The current tenant is still living there, hence all the stuff.








This is my shelving unit that I got at Ikea. It's made by Enetri. The metal part I got is silver, and the boards are white.

This is the chest of drawers that I also got form Ikea. It's made by Hemnes. Except that they're not selling it anymore. Good thing I got it when it was on sale

(which is why they put it on sale). Haha.

This is the bar table I got, made by Bjorkudden. It's pretty sweet. And tall/high. Which is what I like. It's going to go in my kitchen.

And to accompany my pretty table, I got two of these stools made by Anssi. I cannot freaking wait to move in!!! Less than a week...

I Love How Things Go Sour In a Matter of Seconds

I haaaaaate this place! I need to be gone now! Another week is going to take forever, and I don't know how long I can stand fighting with everyone in this effing house! UGH.

FUCKFUCKFUCK.

I'm just so mad right now.
Don't worry, I'll down in a bit.

But right now, FUCK.
Fuck this place.

Sorry for the profanity.
It's better to vent it out on here than in other ways right?

FUCKFKCu;.

I don't know what to do today now.

Maybe I'll clean. And start packing.

WHOREBAG.

I have four more days of working left.
And I don't want to work.

Ugh.

Whatever.

I'm gone.

Maybe I'll go to Walmart or to Target or something.

Damnit I wish there was just a place I could go chill by myself, but unfortunately around here, there's no such thing.

At least I have a car for now.

FUkc;lakd.

Goodbye.

Feeling Better, However, I Don't Want to Go to WORK.

I'm working 4-close today. And I don't want to go. I just want to stay home and actually clean and pack. In the past ten minutes I've made more progress than I have in the past couple of days. Hah. Which means I'm on a roll! But oh well. I'm working at 4. I also don't want to go because of the guy I'm going to be working with. The other guy I'll be working with is cool. The other, not so much.

So look what I found on the outside of my window screen earlier. It was cool. I got some other shots, but this is the best one. I'm glad I got some shots because after I was all done and satisfied, it flew away.





I made a short vlog on youtube. Its basically me whining about going back to Boston already. Why can't it just be now? Sharon went back today. Other people are already back. My other friends are already back at school. Ugh. New Jersey is dunzo. I'm such a city boy.

Well I'm going to get back to cleaning... before I have to go back to work.

And the Boys Like Girls album is soo on heavy repeat right now. It's basically the only thing I've been listening to these past couple of days... besides Vanessa Carlton's Harmonium, which is also such a great album! Listen to both. It'll change your life.

Fuck This Shit

I fucking hate my brother.

He's going to end up hitting his kids.

Maybe that's harsh, but it may or may not be true. I don't know.


Right now I just wish I could close my eyes and when I opened them I was in my apartment, everything unpacked, all my furniture set up, all the business stuff done and setup, and no one else but me. I wish I was in Boston right now. I wish I wish I wish I wish.

But where has wishing gotten anyone? No where. People can wish and pray all they want, but it's not going to help anymore than they want it to. All it does is give the person wishing or praying a sound mind for themselves. Reassurance and hope. Oh well. I don't believe in that.

Ugh fuck this shit, moving back is LONG fucking overdue.

You Know That End-of-Summer-Going-Back-to-School Feeling?

Yes, everyone, it is almost time for summer 2007 to come to a close. I move into my apartment on the 2nd of September and I simply cannot wait. I am literally itching to move in. For weeks it's all I can think about. Haha. I just want to go back to Boston and get away again. And this time, I'll be living by myself.

This is the Real World: Adrian.

Haha.

I have lots of stuff to bring, but am not quite prepared. I still have a week and several days before moving. So I still have to pack my clothes and other miscellaneous junk. All the stuff from Ikea is still in their respective boxes, unopened. I hope everything is okay. Now the task is transporting everything in this U-Haul that we will be renting. Oh joy.

On Thursday, Aug 16- Saturday Aug 18 I was in Boston with Heather. I loved it. We stayed with Matt. It was so awesome and nice of him to let us crash at his place. We had a lot of fun. I did not want to come back here. I really didn't. The city is my home. Again, can you see my anxiousness/impatient self coming through? I love Boston, that's my opinion, and I'm entitled to it.

I got the Boys Like Girls album the other day and I love it. I wish I could sing a little higher so I could sing that part in the Great Escape and Hero/Heroine. I can sing it, but not as loud. And I squeak. Doesn't sound as good as I'd like. Hah.

There are still two things looming over my head now. But I guess I'm only writing it here for my own purposes to look at later.
1. Look for another class because effing MCP decided to drop everyone and their mother from Health Care Management.
2. Apply for Pharm Tech Positions to work during the school year.
3. Complete MA Pharmacy Intern Registration when back in school.

Okay. Now that that's out of the way.

I feel that this year will be awesome.
Excellent even.

I feel like I've changed so much since I've been away at college and in the city. But changed for the better. Not that I wasn't bad or anything. I guess I mean I've improved on my character skills? I don't know. However, I still feel like I have a lot to experience and learn, so I also feel that I can still change.

And I'm in freaking Boston. I need to go out and meet guys and people. I mean, I'm starting to think I'm not that ugly. There are worse looking people out there than me, right? (Whatever helps you, man.) So I plan on meeting anyone and everyone. Be prepared.

I also finally bought the movie Dummy. I simply LOVE this movie. I can watch it over and over and over again. If you haven't seen it, I suggest go buying it at Target right now. I bought my copy for $8.00(US). Mhmm. Right price everyone.

Alright, well I need to go attempt to clean again. It's not going to happen.

Oh and PS. I'm working until the 30th folks. They're squeezing every last of my skill(z) before I leave. Because I'm that good. I guess I shouldn't be that proud of making sandwiches at a Quiznos Sub franchise, huh? It'd be better if it was a famous deli shop or something. Then I think I could say it with better pride. No offense to Quiznos Sub employees. Working there is not bad at all. I like working there actually. I just hate closing. For really real.

Goodnight.

I Think It's Long Past Due for a Good Entry...

However, I can't promise that this will be it. Haha.

It's true that I haven't written a good blog in a long time. However, I also can't say that I've done a good vlog entry on youtube either. But anyway, let me get down to business.

There's only 23 (?) days left for me until I move back to the Beantown and I cannot wait! I'm going there next week with Heather to simply visit the town and Matt. We're crashing at his place, which is really cool of him. We're going the 16th, 17th and 18th. Which again reminds me that I have to call the Realtor so we can visit my apartment and take more pics and measurements...

Anyway, I've simply been working, trying to get money. I've bought some of my books, which has put a real dent/stress in my financial area. Ugh, even buying online where I can find the cheapest books still have high prices. This semester's books are really expensive.

I also got a special fun thing the other day. Let me just say that my arms hurt from doing this whatchyamacallit. Haha.

Hmm, I went to Six Flags on the 29th with Rachel to see Rushmore, who, unfortunately didn't play, but we saw the Plain White T's. It rained for 5 hours when we were there and that made everyone leave. So after the rain stopped, we rode everything. Lots of times. No lines. Let me tell you, El Toro is the best ride at Six Flags. I even rode Kingda Ka, which was really fun, but if you factor the waiting time, its not all that cracked up to be (lucky for us, we only waited like 45 minutes? I think.)

Last Thursday I went to LBI w/ Heather and Rani. We took some funny pictures, and Lee let us into to see the Simpsons movie for free. That was really cool of him too. I love the Simpsons Movie.

I'm also still trying to finish reading Harry Potter. Because I'm also trying to read the Abs Diet. I still need to lose mad weight. I hate being fat. For serial.

I also went and did productive things today. I have to send out my pharmacy intern registration tomorrow b/c I need to get it before I go back to school! I know, I'm a slacker. But better late than never, right?

Anyhoo, I'm going to finish this b/c I don't know what else to write.

Goodbye. Wii.

Another Shorty

I'm off today. I slept in. It was wonderful. And now this is what I'm having for linner.

And I'm currently watching an intense episode of Boy Meets World.

And it's making me sad.

It's Friday the 13th

So I'm sitting here yelling at the TV, "oh my god, just step on them!" Haha. I'm watching "Inhabited" on myphl17. It's got goblins or whatever. But they're small and I don't think the people can see them. Because otherwise I would totally just step on them. Haha.

Ugh I have to work tomorrow, 8-4. These next two weeks are going to be fun. I have to open like everyday. So basically I have the most responsibility while Francis is on vacation. Ugh. Summer is almost dunzo. Almost done. Just a little longer. And then after that, the Q never again.

Just a short update for now...

I Need To Do Something With These Checks

Le sigh.

I'm in a blah mood right now.

I wish I could just stick to a diet plan so I could finally lose my fat ass.

I wish I had a pharmacy tech job back in high school of which I could have right now.

I wish I had more knowledge of my finance situations.

Blah. Enough wishing.

I still have my first paycheck, and now, my second paycheck. I need to cash my first paycheck and give that to my sister and mom for certain expenses. i.e. New York City and gas money. And then I'm going to just cash my second paycheck and just hold on to the money. Because my dad is so not supporting me of getting a Bank of America account. I'm just going to probably be one of those people who hide money under their mattress and mess up the census. So yeah I do not have ANY cash on me right now except like 3 dollars. Literally. I have 3 one dollar bills in my wallet. And lots of change. I'm going to Commerce Bank to the Penny Arcade and cash that in as well. I'm going to count it first so I can get a prize. Shit. I want a Bank of America CampusEdge Account.

I wish I had worked more. I wish I had money in the bank. I mean I do, but technically it's not mine. Ugh. I wish I had more financial responsibility.

Damn I need to stop dwelling on the past about my entire high school situation.
"I shouldn't have slacked off"
"I should have gotten a job"
"I should have joined track so I would actually lose weight"
"I shouldn't have slacked off" (yeah I know, I need to put it again)
"I should have been more open"

Whatever. Again, all I can do now is go on and try to make things better by working hard and giving an effort.

I want to make more youtube videos. I want to actually learn the lyrics of a lot of songs. I want to actually be able to play Ben Folds' songs by practicing. I want to actually start studying again. I need to buy my books.

I need to do a lot of stuff.

Goodnight.

A Weekend Of Camping

This weekend comprised of time spent at Bass River State Forest. We went camping and stayed in leantos. It was a blast!

Charcoal, grilling, smores, firepits, bathroom trips, absegami lake, beach, sun, tan, moths, dragonflies, flashlights, fire, bbq.

Just some tags of the highlights of the trip. It was so fun. Maybe I'll put pictures up. I need to find my camera... wherever it is.

Loves.

But now it's back to the grind. Working tomorrow at 8am so that means I need to sleep now. I'm tired. My legs were shaking in church, like it did during my chorus concert! So embarassing. Blah.

Goodnight.

Just A Short Update

Hey everyone, I'm doing just a short update as I get ready to head to the Q. Haha. I'll have worked four days this week, after today. And next week, I'm working five days. Sweet. I need money. I owe my mom and sister a lot. I'm going to open a Bank of America campus edge account. Yeah a little late, but I want a debit card thing.

So this weekend, I'm heading off to Bear Creek or Bass River. I don't know which one... I forgot. I think it's Bass River. But yeah, that's where I'm headed with the family. We're staying in lean-tos or however you spell it. So that's where I'll be Friday - Sunday.

Unfortunately, I'm working 4-close on the 4th of July. Oh well. I'll make my own fireworks in the oven toaster thing haha... yeah right, then I'll get fired. Haha. I'm pretty sure we'll be slow that day then. Everyone will be not here, especially visiting the Burlington Center Mall when there's fireworks going on everywhere and such. Damn, now I want to grill stuff. I'll have to wait for this weekend.

Okay I must go get ready for work. And by the way, I hate wearing the stupid visor for work. My head was not made for hats. If I had a regular hat, then maybe it would be better. But it's a visor. Ugh, how did I ever go through that visor phase back in 8th grade? 7th grade? Oh my god. I was such a big fatty then. More so than now. Okay I must go.

Bye.

An Awesome Weekend In NYC

I spent the weekend in NYC. Manhattan. New York. Whatever you want to call it. I looooooooooooove NY. I finally saw Wicked. SOO awesome! I loved that too! I ate at some great restaurants. Roxy Delicatessen (which was really expensive), La Masseria, and Pigalle. MMM great food. Love the street fairs - we got a plate with Starry Night on it. Got music books at Colony. Love it. Even though its overpriced. We stayed at the Mariott Marquis. 28th floor, awesome view. Had a mojito, tried amaretto sour, and bay breeze. Walked around a lot. Had Starbucks, street fair bubble tea, playbills, hot guys and gals. ;D haha.

I miss the city.

This weekend in NYC has refreshed me.

I need to lose weight and be pretty like all those city walkers. I hate being squishy.

Life Sucks!

Not totally. I just got back from my interview. And I was like a shoe-in to the lady, Louise. However, they were only looking for a local person to work in the pharmacy. Just like what happened to me with Deborah. Ugh. I understand though, they said it takes about 3 months to train.

My interview went well. She asked me situational questions which required me to bring up past situations where I exhibited those characteristics. Like "explain a situation where you had to work fast but still keep high quality," or "explain how you worked in a team," etc. That part went well.

But yeah, she kept saying it was a shame that I won't be here in the fall because she'd take me in a second.

Whhyyyyy does my life suck? AHHH.

So instead I updated my application to include Cashier and Cart Pusher/Greeter. Oh man.

Hopefully I'll get cashier so I can get that experience.

DAMN I would definitely have that pharm tech job if I wasn't leaving.

BLAH.

Just Living These Days As They Come

Quiznos is not that bad. I believe I've passed the most annoying part of the job at this certain Quiznos - the hovering. Yeah.

But anyway, I got to visit Caitlin again and got to see her not-bad-on-the-eyes boss up close. Haha. And when I was getting boba, he was down there and actually spoke to me, haha. Cute.

So yes I love bubble tea, boba, whatever you want to call me. And I love the 10% I get off there because I work at the mall. But I can't keep getting larges - they cost exactly 4 bucks after the discount. That's quite a lot. But the guy is nice, he gives me the extra overflow, instead of throwing it away. I give him a dollar tip. Schweet.

Walmart called me yesterday for an interview, but because I couldn't come in today, I'm going tomorrow morning at 9am. Yay! Hopefully I'll get a pharmacy tech position. Then I'll have two jobs. I feel like I'm catching up with everyone else, but yet I'm still behind. I still want to be waiter at some point in my life. Just to experience it. And to, you know, also have the experience. It never hurts to have that on your resume, right?

I got paid today, finally! And now I know how much I'm getting an hour there. $7.25. I think that's what I wrote on the application when it asked how much do you expect to get paid. Damn, I should have put down 8 dollars. Oh well. So I worked a little less than 39 hours. You do the math, minus the taxes and junk.

This weekend I'm going to see Wicked in NYC with my sister and her friend! Yay for going to NYC again after a long time. Port Authority does not count. We're staying overnight as well. I've never stayed overnight in NYC. This will be fun. Period.

Okay goodnight, I need my sleep! Wish me luck!

Why Hello There

This weekend was alright. I worked on Saturday and got to visit my Caitlin at Things Remembered. Too bad she was busy though. Hopefully we'll get to chat more next time I come visit. Hah. And mmm she had an almond bubble tea which was good (yeah I took a couple sips).

Then later on was the Two Hearts celebration at Sacred Heart. That was okay too. Some line dancing was done. Food. And yummy desserts. And I got to walk it out with Gretchen and Rachel, haha.

And I'm just done now.

I factory restored my computer again since last year because of the stupid things that I've installed/uninstalled and it messed my computer up. But now its fine and good for now. Yay. This time no more stupid things that I'm going to install. Like that FlyAKite program. Don't get it. I tried to make my comptuer look like a mac. Hah. Stupid.

Okay I'm done. I'm doing laundry and still putting all my files on my computer from my external hard drive. I love that little thing. 160GB of pure backup help. Lol. I'm such a dork.

BYE. I have work Tues, Wed, and Thurs this week, but at the end of the week, its NYC baby to see WICKED! HOORAH!

Oh Love...

Lordy Lord, I hate watching romantic movies but I do love them. I hate watching because then it only makes me wish I had that. I'm such a hopeless romantic. It's so sad. Yeah I just watched Adam & Steve. It was a good movie... I wish I had a guy.

Anyway, I can keep those sob stories and thoughts to myself. Let me tell you about what I've been doing.

So yesterday, I stayed over in Atlantic City with my family and Monette. It was good times. We mainly boardwalked it. Yup. Went to the new Pier Shops area or whatever it's called. Some nice stores in there... there's an Apple Store! How awesome?! Haha, I'm such a dork. Well yeah we came back today and such and then we picked up Mariel and then headed to the movies to watch an effed up movie, Mr. Brooks. Hah it was good, but seriously crazy. I recommend it if you like thrillers/suspense/WEIRD movies. Like me. Hah.

So tomorrow I work from 10-4 and then after it's the Two Hearts thing at Sacred Heart. Yeah. I have to wear red.

Which brings me to the "I HATE BEING FAT" point of the entry. Haha. You knew it was coming. Ugh I really wish I was skinny. Maybe then I'd have a better chance to find someone. Whatever, I just need to keep on at it and really commit. I need to change before I go back to Boston. There are some hot guys in the city, LOL.

So after the movies, I hung out with Jackie. We went to the Burl Co Lib to watch the Swan Lake performance in the ampitheater... except it was moved inside for some reason? I didn't catch the reason why. But it was nice. Lots of elderly enjoying the two hot young guys and three hot girls. Haha. Yeah.

Then we hit up the DVDs and I got some movies, including Adam & Steve. I was lucky to find it. I'm adding it to my collection, if you know what I mean. Yeah. ;D

And then we headed to the Burlington Center, walked around for a couple, then went to Wawa for some F'REAL! milkshakes. YUM.

Sweet.

Damn I wish I was skinny.

Anyway, just a quick update before I head off to bed, I need sleep...

And I just wanted to say, I'm glad I'm working. No more of these really late nights (i.e. 4am) doing absolutely nothing. I have reason to sleep, haha, which is good. Working at the Q! really isn't that bad. I just wish I knew how much I was being paid, and when I'll be getting my first paycheck. Maybe I'll ask tomorrow. Yeah. And I definitely think I like the morning shift better than nighttime/close shift. Mmhmm.

Goodnight, I'm going to try and clean my room before I head to bed.

And I have another unrealistic "want." Leopard comes out in October, so I want to try and get a Mac over winter break of next year. Yeah I know, it'll never happen. I just wish.

I also need to keep in mind that I need to find a job in Boston, preferably a PHARMACY TECH job so I can start doing my internship hours - which reminds me I need to register... Bleh.

I'll leave you with the John Lennon song...

"Love is real, real is love,
Love is feeling, feeling love,
Love is wanting to be loved.
Love is touch, touch is love,
Love is reaching, reaching love,
Love is asking to be loved."

Goodnight!

I'm Think I'm Doing Good (basically a job entry)

After only two days of working at the Q! (this is what I'm going to call Quizno's), I feel that I'm doing a good job so far. Except I made a boo-boo today. I was making a side salad, but it was my first time making a side salad... and I was told it was just like making a regular salad... so I made it like a regular salad - meat, red onions, tomatoes, and cheese, and the dressing on the side. Except in a side salad, there's no meat. Only in the flatbread chopped salad, do you put meat. So I made a boo-boo. Damn. Oh well, I'll do my best to not make a mistake ever again... but it is inevitable, right? But I'll make sure to not make another dumb mistake as such.

So, as I was saying, I do think I'm doing a good job. For just basically being thrown in there and put to work, I'm learning fast. I know how to do the salads (now I do), and I'm quickly learning the sandwich making. Except the wrapper part... I need to learn what sandwiches usually get lettuce, because then I need to ask them if they want salad. But I don't want to ask someone if they want lettuce on a sandwich and then they'll look at me funny because lettuce is usually not on that kind of sandwich... but I'm learning. The people there seem like good people, and they are helping me through. I met the two other people on Wednesday when I was leaving, and they seem cool, too. I just want to meet and be cool with everyone.

I don't want to seem like a fool, but there are some things that bother me. I guess the fact of me not knowing how much I'm actually getting paid bothers me. But I guess I'll find out when I get my first paycheck. And the reason I don't want to ask is because Dan is stressed... oh Filipinos. Ugh to that.

I'm opening tomorrow and I hope Francis is there to help me. Otherwise, I think it'll just be me and Dan, and I was only there at 8am on my first day so remembering everything that has to be done is not quite fresh in my mind. I mean, I've only done it once! We'll see how everything goes tomorrow...

Also, I just started to learn how to slice the meat. And doing everything involved with it, like checking the reserves and checking which meats need to be cut.

Man, where's this workbook that the lady in the video was talking about?! I've yet to see it!

Well, hope this entry was interesting to read, I have other things to rant about but I don't feel the need to put it in here. If you really want to know other stuff, just IM me.

Lates.

I'm working 8-2 tomorrow, so if you want to come visit, I'm sure I'll be in better shape than my first day - (sorry Heather and Rani!)

:)

So It's Monday Once Again

It's June 4th already! Wow has time flown by. My first day at Quizno's is tomorrow so wish me luck! I start at 8am because I have training. Hopefully whoever else is working tomorrow is cool. I met one girl today when I went in to give my papers. She was cool, I guess.

So I have to wear a hat see, but they ran out of hats and instead had visors... So I'm wearing a visor. And I took the visor thinking I'd look okay. However, I come home and yeah, my head is big... so the strap on the back of the hat is almost to the end! Haha. Plus my hair poofs up and is quite unflattering. Which leads me to...

Now I have a question: should I shave my head? I was thinking about it and maybe I should because I've always wanted to, just once in my life. However, I don't know what I'd look like so I never did. But now I'm thinking about doing it, possibly on Wednesday night. Any suggestions? Leave me a comment or message me.

Mmm, and now I just finished a great cup of hot cocoa but now I have to wash dishes. Hoorah. Not really.

Anyway I found another great artist on myspace. Her name is Priscilla Ahn and she is fab. Great indie folk music. Except I can't download her song Lullabye. It says you can download it but whatever I do the window doesn't open up so I can save it. Oh well. Go listen to her.

So tell me, should I shave my head? Because I think I'm really going to do it Wednesday.

Bye!

New Outlook on Life

So finally I got a job working at Quizno's Subs in Burlington Center. Of course it's not a pharmacy technician position, but at least it's something. At least I'll be making money and doing something with my summer besides staying at home being a bum.

I also got a car - my sister got a new car, so they were nice enough to give me her old one. Hooray :)

I may have gotten the job because I know the people running it. They're Filipinos so I've known them for a long time. Right now I don't know how much I'll be getting an hour - I'm guessing minimum? But at this point I don't really care. I'll be making money - which I WILL be saving. It's time to get my life in order.

I've also started to study my Med Terms. Combining forms, word roots, prefixes and suffixes. Hooray.

I've learned to stop feeling sorry for myself and to just do what you need to do. I may be scared doing this stuff but they are things that I have to do. I guess part of it is because I am the youngest of my family and I'm sort of used to everyone doing the "hard things" for me, that I've shunned away from doing those things. But now it's a slap in the face now that it's right in front of me with no one to deal with it - but me. And all I can do is just face all the things thrown at me and sure I'll take it slow at first as I learn things, but I believe that I'll get through it.

I have confidence in myself that I can be a success, in all aspects of life. I just need to learn and give all my effort to do what I want to do, to be who I want to be.

Damn I Just Want To Get Away

I just want to get away. Like by myself. Like when Will went to some island in the Caribbean. I don't know.

I wish my backyard had trees and a big fence all around. Instead I get a view of the entire street behind me and one dying cherry tree all the way next to the side fence. Woop.

Ugh my room is still so messy. It's because I have no place to put anything! It's ridiculous. My room is a small square filled with shit not my own. I mean, there's a full size box spring behind my bed up against the wall. My twin bed doesn't even have a bed frame, which means I can't even put anything underneath. The result is less space. Thanks. I wish i had a frame like at school. Super high up so I could put mad stuff underneath. But no.

SHiT.

It really makes me mad because I can't do anything about it, and then I get yelled at. Fuck that.

I'm dunzo for now. If you want to see how ridiculous my room situation is, ask me. Haha. Yeah.

It's Been 3 Weeks

Three weeks since I've been home. Wonderful. And I have done absolutely nothing. Expect maybe order my Med Term book. Which I haven't really opened yet. Ugh. Life sucks here.

It seems to be that my youtube craze is calming. But that's only because I have nothing to talk about. Or don't really want to talk about things for all to see, in my most vulnerable state. I want to talk about meaningful things, not just how my day was, and the rest of the video filled with silence and/or "ums." That sucks. I wouldn't want to watch a video like that. We will see. I want to record myself playing "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds and singing it if I can, but I haven't quite mastered the rhythm of the singing part to go along with the piano. Oh well.

Well I need a job. I cannot be staying at home in my tornado-strucken room. I've applied to many places. CVS has fucked me over, to say in the best way. Yeah. I could've gotten a position as a Pharm Tech at Deborah, however, they were looking for someone who was able to work year-round. Obviously I can't do that because I go to school in Boston. Yeah. So they hired someone else. Funny though, the lady told me 2 other applicants were in the same position as me, where they do not go to school in the area, but was applying for the Pharm Tech position. Oh well. I got an e-mail from Walgreens saying they were interested and junk, however, I've called the woman back twice already and left voicemails, and e-mailed back, but no response yet. And nothing back from Acme yet. I just applied to Walmart and Shoprite.

It seems that I've gotten so used to the taste of failure that I don't even care what happens to me in the future. Seriously, I'm fat, unemployed, and contribute nothing to the world. All I do is stress my family out, and take their money and eat their food. Why am I alive?

Thanks.

And I believe that everything is stemmed from that faithful day during senior year, the first day I ever deliberately cut school because it was the day after prom weekend. It was that day when I crashed my car and life spiraled down from there. I should've just gone home with Jackie and made everyone else smush into the other two cars. So since I didn't have a car, I didn't have a job the summer before I left for college. But then that's just my fault. Because why couldn't I just get a job where it was close enough to walk to... say Acme? Why? Why didn't I do it? Because I'm a fucking retard, that's why. Wonderful. So summer wasted. Yay.

Last summer, same reason. Didn't work. But again, why didn't I work at somewhere close? Again, because I'm a fucking retard. I see you're catching on to the pattern. Congrats to you. Instead I did the show with the Rancocas Interfaith Players, until the beginning of August.

I SUCK AT LIFE.

And now I feel that I am so behind everyone else, because during those times that I was dilly dallying and wasting time at home, sleeping, eating, getting fatter, everyone else was building their foundations for what they have - for what I wish I had now. Pharmacy technician positions at hospitals, pharmacies, wherever, where I'm stuck at ground zero. Woo.

This also goes back to my performance in high school. Why the hell did I slack so much? I could've gotten A's and had a job when I was in high school. It seems like high school was NOTHING compared to my college, which shouldn't have been. I only felt like it was because I simply procrastinated and slacked, mind you I did finish all my work. However, I feel like if I just did not slack, high school would have been a breeze. And then I could've found a job, even just for the weekends or something. Instead I was a fat slob of whom I still am, with no job experience whatsoever. I don't think newspaper carrier "paper boy" counts for anything.

And so I'm left with all these regrets and mistakes that I have made. It sucks that I have only grown up right now. After two years of college. After everyone has been there for years and I'm just arriving.

The only thing I can do now is just accept it and do whatever I can to catch up with the others. And to just swallow whatever life throws at me and just do it.

vlog #4

vlog #4

if anyone even reads this blogger haha